I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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