Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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