Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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