Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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