You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
