the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
