Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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