Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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