somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
