1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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