Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
