we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
