just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
