my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
