Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize