he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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