CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
