do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
