i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
