Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
