im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
