My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize