I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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