theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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