just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
