no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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