Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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