Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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