Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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