And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
