i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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