I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
