well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
