I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
