so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
