It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
