And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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