Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
