She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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