Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize