she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
