everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He did a backflip because drugs
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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