I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
