I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
