Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
