i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
