lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it glows. i had to have it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize