i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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