Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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