HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
