Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
