my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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