Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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