im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
