Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
