I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
