I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
