I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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