i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
