Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
