moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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