dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
