so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
