apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
