Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
