I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
