did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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