you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
