okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
