He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
