I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
