You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
