does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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